Promise? {Originally written Dec 2nd, 2010}

You've noticed them. They're the ones everyone in the room gravitates towards. The ones that can light up a meeting with a smile and whom everyone is glad to see. I knew a few of these people in my lifetime. The kind that had what I wanted, and I yearned to have the ego strength and poise that came with their sense of self worth. Humble and matter of matter, no delusional lollipop to suck on; they were okay with who they were and who they weren't. Ultimate self acceptance. At first I imagined that they were lying, like they had their fingers crossed behind their backs when they spoke of happiness. I found out that their hands were right in front....the whole damn time.

I'm not that. I've had glimpses of that. But never maintained for any length of time. Usually my ever wandering head starts spouting it's malarky and doubt creeps in once again. I love the feeling that brings me to however and I earnestly seek it daily. Pages 83-84 (directions for the nineth step of course) of the Big Book speak of "promises" of what we'll be given if we do the work to attain them. New freedom, happiness...yadda yadda ....not shut the door on the past .. et cetera et cetera...but the one that REALLY knocks me in the knickers is - Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Meaning what exactly? Wellll.....attitude and outlook meaning our perception and beliefs. No longer thinking life is a bitch and then you die? Perhaps believing in hope again? How about that there is beauty in the world? Or even ....no matter what....it's gunna be okay? That YOU'RE okay? Hell even that you're pretty amazing? Attitude and outlook. From bleack to plentiful, unaware to awash in life bringing perception.

Promises. A big word. Maybe just trying what is suggested and see if those promises come true. Whatcha got to lose really? I mean, I was a big pile of "lose" when I came crawling in. Bottom's sorta mean that anyway --- "what do I have to lose? What I've BEEN doin' sure ain't workin'. Life the person who "has what you want" ...you can have it too! Fingers crossed promise is of no matter ...do it anyway. Shine baby. We're all waiting for you! Cause no one else has the you...that you are. I'll show you mine, if you show me yours. Or something like that...