{Originally Written Dec 11, 2010} Finger on the Trigger

 It happens without our even knowing. An event, person, word, gesture, object, situation, during which some internal button is stomped on, leaving us frazzled and worn and nervous and in some cases - wanting to use - ....bad. I've heard of times where people who are seemingly just "fine", get a switch flipped and aren't so "okay". Could be people glorifying using, in old enviroments, being around certain family members that....TRIGGER old sick ways of thinking and believing. In the extreme example, wanting to use again.

Triggers (yes this is a treatment word. So? People have learned things in the last 50 years about addiction. Why not use it? So ...yea. Triggers :) According to Relapse Prevention (.org)

The 10 most common relapse triggers:

1. Being in the presence of drugs or alcohol, drug or alcohol users, or places where you used or bought chemicals
2. Feelings we perceive as negative. Particularly anger, sadness, loneliness, guilt, fear, and anxiety.
3. Positive feelings that make you want to celebrate.
4. Boredom.
5. Getting high on any drug.
6. Physical pain.
7. Listening to war stories and just dwelling on getting high.
8. Suddenly having a lot of cash.
9. Using perscription drugs that can get you high even if you use them properly.
10. Believing that you no longer have to worry (being complacent). That is, that you are no longer stimulated to crave drugs/alcohol by any of the above situations or by anything else. Therefore believing it's safe for you to use again occasionally.

Actually, this goes along with many of the "slogans" in recovery speak. Dry people dry places, HALT, Live and Let Live, Easy Does It, One Day at a Time..you get the idea. Words that have a way of seeping in even if we don't realize it. You're probabl thinking "Britt, DUH, we already know this stuff." Okay ..okay ...you're totally right. Or do we really know? Do you inventory daily? When is the magical moment when right becomes wrong and we can no longer "differentiate the truth from the false?" (Big Book. Find the page. It's in the beginning.)

What about those of us with "time"? What about the triggers that are elusive and not just early recovery focused? What about refraining from being a "dry drunk"? How do you stay MINDFUL?? What triggers your depression or irritation? How do you stay spiritual in the face of extreme adversity? How do you go from working the steps to LIVING THEM INNATELY?

"People who relapse aren't suddenly taken drunk. Most experience progressive warning signs that reactivate denial and cause so much pain that self-medicating with alcohol or drugs seems like a good idea. This is not a conscious process. These warning signs develop automatically and unconsciously. Since most recovering people have never been taught how to identify and manage relapse warning signs, they don't notice them until the pain becomes too severe to ignore."

One thing I know from MY personal experience is ...relapse happens a very long time before the event actually occurs. Little bits of depression, listless, hopeless, helpless seep back in the crevices of my mind; taking over the subconscious even WHILE doing the basic recovery work.

Be aware of your finger on the trigger. Your pointer can be used for better things. Lose nose picking or pointing upward for emphasis. Maybe even poking the sleeping guy in a meeting when it's his turn to share. What? It could happen.

So. That being said. It's not a right or wrong thing. No need for defenses in this endeavor. We have the same sick. Different symptoms perhaps but same disease attacking our inner winner. Be mindful today ...without judgement. And know that surrendering to the idea that we can't do this alone = WIN. Use all tools at your disposal. Be well this day.