Scarlet letter of "I" for independent thinking or ignoramus or inconsequential or irreverent or irresponsible or ibid (what?) or hell just ID, branded on my forehead. Not a conformer in a group of nonconformists. Interesting. I words. Consumed with self. Get the idea? (not no mo. thank the gods - whomever they may be)
That's the one thing I adore about recovery. We have a common bond but don't have to be placed in a cookie cutter mold. The most helpful folks I've found are the ones who are NOT rigid. Not stuck in a cyclical rhetoric of judgmental differential. You've seen it. I know you have. The MOB MENTALITY or as I like to call it "the finger pointers". I avoid this like the plague and I hope you can too. If you do this...Stop it. It sucks and is NOT beneficial to anyone.
Be careful to not hop so easily on the bandwagon ...pitchfork in hand. The mob mentality can be a dangerous thing. The lambasting of a person can be an easy thing to do when hey ... all the cool kids are doing it. I work diligently not to knee jerk and react these days ... I prefer to investigate before I grab a torch. I've seen people jump on others in meetings for things they've known NOTHING about. They "heard things". Hmm. Really? Unless I witness it first hand ... I refrain from comment or opinion. "She doesn't work a program" "he's a slut" "They've never worked a step" "She's gunna get drunk again...just LOOK at her!" Bleck! Finger pointing = fail. I have enough of my own shit to keep me busy for quite some time thank you. So if I have no evidence to support what I hear ...I remain cautiously optimistic.
It's the human condition to form social groups with their own sets of rules and norms. This is true in recovery also. How do I know this? I've spouted negative things about folks early on that didn't fit with the 'mold' in recovery. They staed sober though. What worked? Does it matter? Does fitting in with the group mean recovery? No. Do you have to be a social butterfly to stay clean? No. Do you have to be Mr. or Mrs. AA to get better? Hell no. What matters is simply doing the work.
Sometimes the 'work' ....is quiet.
AND...I've had things spouted about me. It damn near killed me last year. Nothing worse than walking into a meeting and feeling the whispers of the collective group on you. Yeowch. (thank god that's behind me). Today I would make an offhand quip and sit the hell down anyway. The difference today is that MY opinion and those that know me (really know me) carries weight. People who do NOT know me ...do not matter.
Anyway, I have NO idea where I'm going with this, other than I know what it's like to not feel like you fit in. Even in recovery. Oh everyone likes me enough and I like them for the most part, but that is NOT a requirement for sobriety. I for one rather like my small close knit circle of friends.
I finally have some amazing connections that 'get' me. That get that I am not the best on the telephone. A handful of recovery folk that love me unconditionally without expectation. It's a beautiful thing. I like me. Sorta gives other people to like me too. Oddball and all. I dig that today. Don't like me? That's okay. I have days when I don't like me either. They don't last long however. ;o)
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