My mom, The Addict

I'm not even sure how to begin this, other than by saying this is still a very sore topic for me. It is the hardest thing in the world; being an addict myself, and watching another addict, my mother for that matter, go down the same road that I did; knowing that there's absolutely nothing I can do or say to change her mind or make her stop. I was talking with my sponsor tonight about my mum and what's been going on with her. I found out today that she left her husband and is now living with my old dealer. She got smacked around a few good times because while he wasn't looking, she snagged a few pieces of crack from him. (BIG mistake, I know this man very well, and he is one of the last people I'd want to steal from), so my mum called my step dad and he came and paid the dealer off so he'd leave my mum alone. BUT! When my step father left, he left my mother there. WTF?? Really? Okay...

It completely boggles my mind that he's willing to continue enabling her, telling me today on the phone that she can't possibly weigh more than 80 lbs, he brought her food last week, and as soon as he left, my mum threw the food away. She's getting beat up by this man who, is legally, certifiable, and you just leave her there???

For months now, I've been asking my step father to go and file a Section 35 on my mother, and I've described how it works to him. He goes down to the courthouse, petitions the court to Section her, if a Judge agrees, he'll send out a warrant of apprehension, a police officer will go to wherever she is, and ARREST her. He'll put handcuffs around her wrists and throw her into the back of a cruiser. She won't have a choice! And I've told him this, numerous times, and today I said to him "I don't understand why you won't section her Dave," and he says to me, "Well, I tried talking to her about going somewhere but she said she won't go." I couldn't believe he just said that. Are you kidding me? I've told you 753457345 times, she WONT HAVE A CHOICE DAMMIT!

Ugh, it's just so frustrating, my mother is literally killing herself. I spoke with my grandmother today, and even she said "Britt, I have pictures of mom from a few years ago, she looked so ...I don't know how to describe it, other than, she looked ALIVE. I seen her a few months ago, and she looks lifeless. She looks totally emaciated...There's not an ounce of fat on her body, she looks like death." I know Gram..I know.

My sponsor said tonight, "Brittany, you may not like this, but, God has a plan for everyone, whether you want to believe that or not, and ...unfortunately, it may be his plan that something terrible happens to your mom and sadly, YOU cannot change that. Your NOT God." Damn. What do you say to that? She told me to read Acceptance on pg 417 until my eye balls fell out, I read it ...over and ..over ..and over again. And dammit, as much as I really hate to admit it; she's right. God does have a plan for each and everyone of us, and who am I to question his plans? And what difference does it make if I do question it? None.

All I can do is continue doing the next right thing, better myself, work my program, pray to God every day, and hope for the best. HOPE. ...I can only hope that at some point, God winks at my mom, puts out his hand to guide her. And damn I really hope she takes a hold of it and runs with it. Because I miss her. I don't want to have to bury my mom..especially not because this damned disease got the best of her...

So tonight, my prayers are for her, and please, I ask you to say a little prayer for her as well.